So, I got a promotion. And at the same time, my bf decided to quit his job. It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times. And it got me thinking about all the stuff I've done to scrape by.
Memories of ridiculous jobs I've had:
- My first job: Checkout Chick. The lid came off a jar of pasta sauce and went all over me. The customers got angry when I asked them to move to another register.
- Demonstrating panty liners in a supermarket... with vials of blue liquid, just like on TV. Angry men yelled at me, telling me it was "women's business".
- My promotional pajamas were covered in a wave of chocolate UpandGo at Spencer Street Station. A street cleaner purposely drove over my promotional supplies.
- Handing out pepper-flavoured chips in Southbank. The flavour didn't take off. Handing out all kinds of crap: drinks, gum, chocolates, cookies, tea samples, vouchers for the Pancake Parlour...
- House cleaning. Up to my elbows in the hair of two shedding Labradors.
- Odd job girl for a very rich lady. Jobs included folding plastic bags into little triangles, ironing bedsheets and making cucumber sandwiches.
- Touring Victoria with an inflatable obstacle course for Nickelodeon as part of "Nick Takes Over Your Park".
- Painting the faces of sick kids with Steve from Blues Clues.
- Spruiking cellulite cream.
- Hand delivering junk mail to make it seem like an official package.
- Demonstrating an icecream machine. Required a lot of bending over. In tight pants.
- Finding the perfect wallet for consumers (Do you need a coin purse? Zip or stud? Trifold or bifold? How many credit card slots do you need?).
- Demonstrating an eReader years before anyone read eBooks.
- Giving free manicures in department stores ("Yes! This nail polish is formaldehyde-free!").
- Babysitting for a religious family where all four girls were in bed by 7pm. Babysitting two boys and an orphaned koala that needed bottle-feeding.
- Working on the GymBus: a double-decker bus converted to a kids' gym. The driver was "Jim". I was "Buzz". Why Buzz? Apparently "Bus" isn't a name.
- Teaching a non-English speaking Quarantine official about the ways to capture, analyse and contain fruit flies.
- Teaching English to kinder kids in Japan. Random kid: "My name is... GUNDAM!" (followed by hysterical laughter of 5 year olds).
All this led to me becoming a Librarian.
5 comments:
Demonstrating lady-time products with the aid of blue liquid? Lots of bending over in tight pants? Dang. Makes my 11-month stint 'teaching English' in a Korean hagwon to pay for librarian school look really, really tame. No blue liquid or bending was required.
In my experience, I don't think being a librarian is any less strange than any of your other jobs. :)
The inflatable obstacle course sounds awesome: I want photos!
All my jobs as a student were really boring: tutoring, babysitting, paper route, cleaning a pool etc. Hope your bf gets another job he likes better soon!
what about baby sitting steve in the inflatable M&M?
and I still can eat lint without thinking of canning st. (people think i am weird cos I warm them up in my armpit first) yummm.
wow - my work experience is so totally boring :p
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